My sons are growing up in an era when traditional American conceptions of masculinity are, for better and worse, breaking down. I've seen a lot of young men in the past two decades I've been teaching at various colleges and universities, and so many look like they've had the masculinity beaten out of them. Most of them don't lead, and most don't have a clear sense of direction. Many look defeated by the time they hit twenty, and are lost to entertainment culture. Fewer and fewer are going to college at all, while their female counterparts make great strides inside the classroom and out. 

Don't read anything into what I'm saying other than what I'm actually saying. This isn't going to turn into an anti-feminist rant. (I happen to believe that it's possible to raise strong young women and strong young men, at the expense of neither.) And I'm not the only one worried about the role of men in American society, and even world society. Read the brilliant article in The Atlantic, "The End of Men" by Hanna Rosin, and you'll perhaps agree that we're in the midst of a crisis of masculinity right now. 

So the big question is: How do I teach my kids how to be men without teaching them the troublesome concept of machismo, which leads them down a very narrow cul-de-sac in which they'll have very little expressive flexibility? 

I feel like they're in luck here, and finally have the right dad for their situation. I grew up seeing first had the trouble that machismo could get a guy into––most notably, crime and alcoholism––and my father's death released me from having to pursue it as a lifestyle. I had to figure out on my own how to be a man without machismo, so I think my kids have an advantage. 

I'm a little jealous, actually. I got a dad who was so shaped by machismo that it bent him and eventually broke him, and my kids got a father who decided early on not to let that happen. Nonetheless I still struggle every day with what masculinity means today, largely because I've been charged with helping two young boys become men. 

1. TOUGH GUYS
2. BURY THAT ANGER!
3. ARMS AND THE MAN