Finally, after years of working at it, praying for it, and causing who knows how much trauma to my kids, I finally feel like I'm a good dad. Not the best dad, not the most fun, not the most consistent, but a good dad. I can imagine some guidance counselor asking my kids if they think I'm a good dad, and both of them––after an initial hesitation when they remembered some incident of me yelling at them––nodding and saying "Yeah." 

But I can't pretend that this is a one-time battle. I'll have to roll the rock of parenthood up many different hills, and sometimes I'll lose my grip on the rock and be flattened as it makes its way down. 

I'm particularly curious about how I'll fare when my kids hit their teens and early twenties, those classic years of rebellion against fatherly authority and strike out aggressively on their own. I didn't have my own dad around during those years, so I have limited examples of how fathers and sons work such things out. How they fight productively, how they forgive each other once the fighting is over. 

What will I do then? Re-invent myself as a father. Add more material to this labyrinth. Integrate new tricks into my parenting repertoire, one chunk of story at a time. 

1. 'CAUSE THAT'S THE KIND OF DAD I AM
2. IT'S THAT VOICE!
3. THEORIES OF BECOMING A MAN
4. HIGH HOPES
5. IT AIN'T THAT BAD, MAN