According to all reports my mother was a martyr long before she met my dad, and he slid with perfect ease into her martyr complex. So I knew that if I didn't want to replicate my birth family's dynamic, I had to avoid marrying someone with that same need. 

Luckily I didn't. My wife Jen isn't a martyr (I fit that description far better than she does) and I can't underestimate her role in helping me get out of the family shadow. If I'd created a family with someone closer in personality to my mother, would I have been able to get enough perspective on my life to avoid replicating the melodramas I grew up with?

Answer: doubtful.