Not much for me to be proud of in this video—except that when my older son imitates me swearing, he does so in German. 

But it's not his voice that's bothersome here. It's mine. "It's that voice!"––the one that has driven my children to tears, driven my family and friends and colleagues and students to shame and self-recrimination, and done who knows what else to others who've been subjected to it. 

My voice, my instrument of anger and my weapon of emotional violence. If I saw the trail of tears and sadness it has left behind over the course of my lifetime, I'd probably want to dissolve away into nothingness.