Of course, it's always possible that destiny has made some kind of bureaucratic error and left me off of its list, or is merely playing a trick on me for its own entertainment (and perhaps yours).


If that's true, what should I do? It wouldn't be worth it to leave my family and move to Tahiti, Gaugin style, because I'd lose my shit there, too? Probably get knifed to death in a fight over a coconut, or something stupid like that. 

The farther past 42 I get, the scarier it is when I think I'm doomed to repeat my father's failure. It's like I've climbed halfway up out of a half-live volcano and no longer worry about the lava bubbling up to burn my ass. Instead, I worry about just how stupid and miserable I'll feel if I lose my footing and fall.